I got chris browned last night
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
