So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
