why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
