I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
