Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
