If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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