I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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