: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
