i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
