Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
