bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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