I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
