i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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