There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
