Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
