we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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