fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
