I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
