i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
