Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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