Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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