I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
