I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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