If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
