Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
