he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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