New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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