At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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