i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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