Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize