You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
