drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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