she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
