I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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