Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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