You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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