can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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