my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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