At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
