Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
