Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
