also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
