You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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