i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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