she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
