i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
