I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
