I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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