you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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