oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
