My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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