All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My bed smells like the plague
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
