i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need a beard to bite.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
