dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
