Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
worst night to have a conscience
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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