Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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