Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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