we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
