He had one of those small greek statue penises
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize