come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
