saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
