I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize