She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Green mimosas i think yes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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