i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize