I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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