she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
