I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
