Ambien. No doubt about it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
