No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
