I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
