I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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